Anakin Skywalker: The boy who hid his heart

padawanlost:

One of the
most heartbreaking things about Anakin’s childhood at the Jedi Temple was his
inability to fit in. the Jedi’s inability to help him to find a home is something
I have a hard time forgiving and understanding. How did they justified it to
themselves? Didn’t them realize that alienating a boy goes against everything
the Jedi stand for? Community, compassion, non-judgment, etc.

More importantly,
how does it affects Anakin and how Obi-wan deals with it?

As much as criticize
Jude Watson for creating Gary Stu, I have to admit she really knows how to hit
me right in the feels. All the quotes are from the book Jedi Apprentice Special Edition: Deceptions by Jude Watson. So let me give credit where credit is due by sharing
this with you all:

They had been heading back from an intense physical
workout when Obi-Wan had spied the students from Anakin’s year heading to the
lake. He had seen the longing in
Anakin’s eyes as the students dived into the cool water.

“Go ahead,” Obi-Wan had told him.
“Take some time off.”

 Anakin
had looked at him uncertainly, but Obi-Wan
shooed him off. It puzzled and worried
Obi-Wan how much time his Padawan spent alone. Anakin had told him that
he’d had good friends on Tatooine, especially a human boy named Kitster. He’d
been at the Temple for three years now,
but he hadn’t made one close friend, although he was well liked and
certainly got along with the other kids.

Obi-wan needs to Anakin for a debrief session with Yoda. Here remember the last
time he had saw Anakin and immediately assumes Anakin is playing with the padawans
at the lake. Obi-wan recognizes the longing in Anakin’s eyes and yet fails to
fully understand why Anakin was hesitant. Anakin’s longing is not only for the water.
Anakin longs for acceptance and friendship.

 Obi-Wan had tried to talk to him about it, but the boy would just shut down. His eyes
would turn opaque and the corners of his mouth would straighten into a thin
line. He would seem very far away. Obi-Wan did not know how to reach him at
such times, but they were infrequent and passed as quickly as a rain shower. 

Dissociation? At the age of 12, Anakin has been through
enough trauma and it would fit the C-PTSD diagnosis, since it’s a psychological disorder associated with
“repetitive, prolonged trauma involving harm or abandonment by a caregiver or
other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic.” Some of the
symptoms beings attachment issues (lack of trust, social isolation,
etc.), poor emotional regulation and dissociation.

When they’d met, Anakin had been a warm-hearted
nine-year-old boy with an open nature. He was twelve and a half now, and the
years had changed him. He had grown to be a boy who hid his heart. 

 I’m not crying. You’re crying!

[Obi-Wan] couldn’t resist a moment to see if Anakin
was enjoying himself with the others. He scanned the happy, splashing group
with the smile still on his face. It slowly faded as he realized that Anakin
wasn’t there. With a sigh, Obi-Wan turned away. He hurried to the nearest
turbolift. He knew where Anakin was. The
boy sometimes retreated to his own quarters. 

Again with
the social isolation.

“I thought you wanted to swim,” Obi-Wan
said.

That shuttered look came over Anakin’s face.
“I hadwork to do,” he muttered.

Obi-Wan crouched by him. “This isn’t work,
Anakin. It’s a hobby. And if you are
using it to keep distance between you and your fellow students, it’s not a
helpful one.”

Anakin looked up, his bright eyes keen again. “But I’m making
things, Master! Look, I’ve almost got this astromech ready for service.”

“Mechanical ability is a valuable skill,” Obi-Wan said.
“That is not what I meant, and you know it.”

“They
don’t want me,” Anakin said flatly. He walked over and slung the legs of
the protocol droid under one arm. “I’m not like them.”

Obi-Wan couldn’t argue. Anakin was unique. There was no question about
that. He was an exceptional student, much more in tune with the Force than
others his age. He had come late to the Temple. It wasn’t that the other students disliked him,
they just didn’t know what to make of him.

 Anakin
knows he’s not truly accepted, so why bother? And this is why I have a hard
time defending the Jedi’s treatment of Anakin. we are talking about a 12 years
old child with a traumatic past. As their teachers, legal guardians and family
they had the duty to do right by him. But instead of helping this child, these
wise masters sat in their comfortable chairs criticizing him constantly and not
doing anything about it. People try to excuse the Jedi behavior here by saying
they didn’t believe “in therapy” and such but you know what? You don’t need to
believe in therapy to be a decent human being and do right by a child.

The jedi
had a hive mentality. If the council decided Anakin was like everyone else, the
rest would follow. They were not known for being indivual thinkers (the will of
the Council is the will of the Force) anyway. If masters like Ki-adi-mundi were
wary of Anakin, why wouldn’t the children be too?

Even if a
mental health professional was beyond them, instead of marking hin as different
(as if that was necessarily a bad thing) they should had reinforced the idea
that every jedi was worth the same and that no judgment was a allowed. In the
end of the day, it was the little things that would have made the difference. Look
how beneficial Ahsoka was to his health, imagine if he that the entire Jedi
Temple supporting him.

When did it happen? Obi-Wan wondered again. Why did it happen? Was it the loss of his
mother, followed so closely by the death of Qui-Gon? Obi-Wan could not replace
those people in Anakin’s heart, nor did he wish to. He had hoped
that with Jedi training and their own relationship, Anakin would come to find
peace. He had not.

And here is
where Obi-wan fails. As much as he cares about Anakin he completely fails to
see the bigger picture. he’s aware of Anakin’s struggles and he wants to help
more than anything. But he also lays it all on Anakin. in his mind, Anakin is
the one that needs to change not the Jedi. The solution to Anakin’s problems is
to become a Jedi like everyone else. Obi-wan never wonder if the Jedi are wrong
in their treatment of Anakin, he disagree with their opinions but sides against them.

Barely two weeks ago, Yoda and Mace Windu had expressed doubts that
Anakin was ready for a mission. Anakin lacked discipline, they said.
Obi-Wan disagreed. It wasn’t so much a lack of discipline that caused
Anakin to break rules and send his droids scurrying over
the Temple corridors. It was partially boredom, he thought. No matter what
he threw at Anakin, the boy mastered it. He needed more challenges.
Where Yoda and Mace Windu saw a lack of discipline, Obi-Wan saw an
emotional restlessness that could not be cured by hard study or physical
trials.

Obi-wan
believes they are wrong but instead of trying to change the behavior of the
Council, he tries to change Anakin. And that’s their tragedy. Anakin was never
able to fully open up to Obi-wan because he probably sensed that Obi-wan would
side with the Council. And years later, he did. In Mustafar, while every cell
in his body was telling him not to harm Anakin, he still did it because the
Council (Yoda) told him to and the will of the Council is the will of the
Force. Which also makes Obi-wan a victim, because by following the will of the
Council (as he was indoctrinated to do) he destroyed any change he had of
living (and dying) in peace.