straightpeoplereceipts:

straightpeoplereceipts:

don’t you love when you’re gay and you, go for a walk and see a rainbow. it’s like… that’s for me, damn! anyway the straights can’t see this particular shade of orange so here’s the tea fellow gays: Dark Pride is gonna take place halloween night under the old mausoleum. it starts at 6pm and runs all night. please come in costume. the code phrase to get the coffin to open up and let you access the stairs is “heterosexualis renouncis”

hey everyone, proud to announce i’ve won the oscar for “comedic performance on a tumblr post receiving the most incomprehensible backlash” and i have never felt so loved. all my hard work has led up to this.

i’d like to thank the academy and the thousands of people who’ve helped me reach this point by leaving commentary such as “this is the flagrant oppression of straight people,” “no wonder no one respects queers,” and “can i come if i’m bi or is it only gay people?” on a satirical description of a fictional event that will never happen.

you are all so important to me, never stop being yourselves… and that’s my time! thank you again! (i exit the stage to raucous applause)