Oh gosh, I love this. Yes. I hope it happens after Obi-Wan is dead, too, so his ghost can observe this and drag Anakin for it later. “Why do I get the feeling this project is going to be the death of me?” he murmurs to himself during a Death Star Team Meeting, pinching the bridge of the nose on his helmet. The first time he haughtily chides some officer that he “needs to learn his place”, he cringes.
I also hope it comes out when he has an Evil Ruler of some random planet that’s colluding with the Empire over (he hates when Sheev makes him host these guys GOD WHY CAN’T HE JUST BE LEFT ALONE IN HIS MISERY WITH HIS PICTURES OF CLONE WARS OBI-WAN DAMN IT.)
He’s sitting there at his edgelord dining table trying to make small talk and be charming because Sheev INSISTED that they make nice with this guy, but like…the only material Anakin has to refer back to is from Obi-Wan negotiating with people, so he sort of ends up hitting on the guy by accident? And since it’s coming from A) Anakin B) as Vader, it’s just incredibly awkward and also terrifying. By the time he sends him off (with one of those dopey salutes that Obi-Wan always did,) he hates himself even more than he did before.
Force ghost Obi-Wan has a field day with it, especially if only force sensitives can see force ghosts. He has a constant commentary running through the dinner, even trying to coach him through it more to prevent his own agony over watching this painful exchange. He doesn’t want to help, but it’s hurting him just to listen. Honestly, all those years together and you’d think Anakin would’ve learned SOMETHING about being charming. Oh well, yet ANOTHER way he’d failed Anakin.
The dignitary isn’t sure whether to be flattered or terrified that the great Lord Vader is flirting with him, albeit terribly. It takes all his diplomatic skill to not wince or laugh at him, because one of the servants did and quickly found themselves choked to death. He just prays that there’s nothing expected after dinner other than dessert because he’s happily married thank you very much. Sadly, dessert includes some even more awkward pear feeding for reasons he can’t explain. When he tries to make an excuse to leave, a slice of pear is shoved in his mouth. He really really hopes that isn’t a sign of what’s to come.
Vader just wants it all to end. This is why he has gargoyles for pets.
I need you to know that I am absolutely and totally DYING AT VADER FEEDING THIS VERY CONFUSED AND MILDLY FRIGHTENED DUDE A PEAR WHILE OBI-WAN’S GHOST LAUGHS AT HIM.
Look, Anakin can’t kill or fight this guy, Obi-Wan’s not physically there to smooth things over, and since he’s not Handsome Anakin anymore he can’t just distract the guy with eye contact or lip-biting or taking his shirt off. HE HAS NO OTHER MATERIAL, SO PEARS IT IS.
“How was your meeting with my colleague Lord Vader?” Sheev asks the Evil Planet King later that week.
“Uh…it was…well it was really something I won’t soon forget, Excellency,” he stammers, desperately trying to find a way to sound positive about what was truly a very strange evening that he was all too happy to see end.
Sheev winces. Goddamnit, that idiot’s been feeding people pears again, hasn’t he?
Vader trying to flirt like how Obi Wan used to is the funniest thing omg because a lot of Obi Wan’s flirting was just his perfect face and hair
There he is awkwardly smiling (grimacing) and winking behind his helmet and cringing as he does so. Meanwhile the other guy just sees the scary and impassive Vader mask glaring at him and wheezing through the respirator
Pear incident aside the Evil Planet King is terrified (instead of charmed) but immediately pledges fealty and resources. He is concerned more pears will come his way if he doesn’t.
Sheev got what he wanted after all, and Grins Evilly as he pencils twelve more of these dinners on Vader’s calendar. Force Ghost Obi Wan is cackling when Vader finds out.
#force ghost obi wan resolves to help for the next one – suggests that Vader compliments the lady’s cape#YOUR CAPE IS ADEQUATE vader says knowing that his cape is definitely The Most Dramatic and therefore the Best#he floats some chi chi berries (space grapes!!!!!!) in her direction#she doesn’t open her mouth to catch them and they uselessly pelt her in the face#sw crack (via @asokatanos)
VADER PELTING PEOPLE WITH FRUIT is now my favorite thing.
Also, really: a lot of Obes’ flirt game was actually him being kind of a smug asshole, so without The Hair and The Face to dazzle people, Vader’s just coming off mostly as a jerk. Who hurls fruit at people.
You know when you open your mouth and your parent comes out? I feel that happens more and more as I get older. Anyways, you think that ever happened to Vader? Like he’s in his big dark castle of tasteless doom and insulting every Imperial officer that visits then boom, all of a sudden a Kenobi-ism pops out (probably with a hint of a Coruscanti accent to boot). Obi-Wan did have an awful lot of one liners, after all.
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