Tap deserves so much love

rogueclonesftw:

When Tap jerks awake from yet another nightmare there’s a cup of water hovering in his field of vision. He follows the hand holding it to an arm, and up the arm to the General’s concerned face. General Blackmoor is crouching beside his bunk at, Tap risks a glance to check the time, Bad Decisions O’clock.

“Here,” the General says softly, moving the cup in his direction. “I got you this. Thought it might help.”

With shaking hands, Tap takes the cup. He does his best not to flinch when the General’s hands wrap carefully over his own to keep him from dropping it.

“Quite the nightmare you were having.”

Oh gods. He always forgets that Jedi can feel emotions. Krell had never cared how scared they were. “I’m sorry, sir,” he says, and hates the panic he can hear in his own voice. “I didn’t mean to wake you. It won’t happen again.”

The General sighs a little, just a slight exhalation. “Don’t lie to us both, Tap,” he says, but there’s no malice in it. The hands over Tap’s squeeze gently. “It’s okay.”

It’s okay, the General says, and Tap desperately wants to believe him. Desperately wants to believe that he cares, that he’s not Krell, that he’ll protect them like he says he will. But he can’t.

“And besides,” the General continues, “You didn’t wake me.” He smiles conspiratorially, a brief flash of teeth bright in the dark. “Don’t tell Jax.”

Closer inspection reveals that, though he is dressed for bed, the General’s rumpled appearance is exhaustion and overwork, not residual sleepiness. The General says not to tell Jax, and Tap won’t. He won’t need to. Jax won’t need to be told to be able to tell.

Tap can hear it now, the soft sigh, the quiet “Little gods, General, please learn to take care of yourself.”

They all wish General Blackmoor would learn to care about himself as much as he cares about them. It’s well past time anyone should be asleep, but instead here he is, crouching at Tap’s bedside, bringing him water and holding his hand. All because he could tell Tap was afraid.

“You should go to bed, General,” Tap says. “It’s late.” It’s so late it’s early.

The General shakes his head. “I’m good for a few more days yet. I’ve got nightmares of my own to avoid.” He shakes his head. “Go back to sleep, Tap. I’ll be here.”